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<\/a>Science has discovered that two competing forces are battling it out in your brain. First, decisions must feel<\/strong> <\/em>right, and second, you must be able to explain<\/strong><\/em> them.<\/p>\nThink about it. Imagine spending $40,000\u00a0on a new car. It’s a gorgeous color. It’s purrs nearly silently. It handles seamlessly, like an extension of your arm. It just feels<\/strong><\/em> right. Nevertheless, you can only have it if you can justify the $40,000. You have explain<\/strong> <\/em>to yourself and anyone who asks, why a $40,000 car makes sense.<\/p>\n On the other hand you could buy a clunker for cheap. You can explain<\/strong><\/em> to anyone how smart it is to save money, but if it\u00a0doesn’t feel<\/strong><\/em> right, you’re not going to buy it.<\/p>\n “Asking\u00a0my\u00a0fianc\u00e9e to marry me was the smartest decision I’ve every made. She\u00a0is my perfect match, but I hate<\/span> her!” — Said no one.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n It must feel<\/strong> <\/em>right, and<\/span> you must explain<\/strong> <\/em>it.<\/p>\n Here’s where it gets interesting. Feelings<\/strong> <\/em>are nearly spontaneous. Explanations<\/strong> <\/em>take time.<\/p>\n When\u00a0someone tries to explain a feeling about your public speaking skills, they have to retrofit the explanation to match the feeling. Often, this reasoning changes the results and obscures the actual problem.<\/p>\n Need proof? In a University of Virginia study by Timothy Wilson, participants chose a piece of art. Some participants were asked to explain<\/strong> why they liked their choice and some where not.<\/p>\n The result? Those who gave an\u00a0explanation were seven times<\/span><\/strong> more likely to make a different choice.<\/p>\n The added logic and reason helped them make better<\/strong><\/em> choices, right?<\/p>\n WRONG! <\/strong>Those who had to explain<\/strong> their decision, ended up liking the art less, and were less likely to hang it up in their bedroom.<\/p>\n Your communication is art, and unfortunately, the more people explain your communication skills, the less they like you.<\/p>\n With all do respect, unless she is a bonafide communication coach, you should ignore your wife. Ignore your husband. Ignore almost any advice that gives you an explanation<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Since everybody knows that reasons help you persuade others, almost everybody who gives you advice will also try to give you an\u00a0explanation–usually using the word “because.”<\/strong><\/p>\n The more “because” reasons they give you, the more convincing they sound. But strangely, since the act of explaining our feelings can actually change our perception, the more\u00a0explanation they give, the more likely their explanation<\/strong> will not match their original\u00a0feelings<\/strong>.<\/p>\n The solution is simple.\u00a0If you want good advice, pay attention to reactions, not explanations<\/strong>.<\/p>\n How often have you seen a television ad, and said, “Wow that’s a stupid commercial,” and then started to explain<\/strong> to your friends why?<\/p>\n The companies putting out those ads are laughing all the way to the bank. They don’t care what you think<\/strong> about the ad, all they care about is how you react<\/strong>. As long as they make more sales, the ad works, whether you think<\/strong> you like it or not.<\/p>\n Am I a hypocrite? Isn’t this post just one long explanation<\/strong>?<\/p>\n I didn’t learn the secrets of communication by analyzing speakers; I learned the secrets of powerful presentations by watching the audience.<\/p>\n At any conference I sit in the front row on the far edge, where I can turn and look backwards at the audience reactions. My advice is not based on what I think<\/strong>\u00a0will work just because I read it in some famous person’s book. I advise people to do what gets a real\u00a0reaction<\/strong> from the audience.<\/p>\n If you want good advice, don’t listen, watch.<\/p>\n When do they laugh, cry, sleep, walk out, text, ask questions, look at visuals, buy the product etc. If you want good feedback, don’t record yourself, record the audience.<\/p>\n Those advertisers and marketers I was talking about don’t really care what you think, but they do measure what you do and what changes increase sales. The way they get more successful is by increasing what works and eliminating what doesn’t–whether they can explain it or not.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, recording the audience is not always practical and you’re usually stuck listening to verbal feedback. What do you do then?<\/p>\n If the advice comes with an explanation<\/strong>–no matter how convincing–smile, say “thank you,” and promptly forget about it.<\/p>\n You want to listen for feelings<\/strong>:<\/p>\n Most well-meaning people who give advice are really just amateurs who cloak their naivet\u00e9 in convincing explanation<\/strong>. They’re probably just\u00a0regurgitating some other amateur speaker’s bad advice.<\/p>\n Without a universal standard, you don’t know.<\/p>\n Of course, not all explanations are wrong. Some expert advice givers actually do know what they’re talking about. How do you know\u00a0when the explanation<\/strong> is valid?<\/p>\n Someday soon,\u00a0after your presentation or speech, someone will kindly suggest to you that you “need 3 main points because [insert expert name here]<\/em> says that …”<\/p>\n There is that word: “because.”<\/p>\n They are giving you an explanation<\/strong>. 80% of the time their solution is wrong. But nearly 100% of the time, their explanation derives from a real<\/em> feeling<\/strong>\u00a0that prompted their advice.<\/p>\n Step 1: Identify the feeling<\/strong> that prompted the advice or the impetus to which they are\u00a0reacting.<\/p>\n Step 2: Ask yourself whether or not\u00a0their explanation fits one of the 8 SpeechDeck Principles<\/a>.<\/p>\nThe plot thickens<\/h3>\n
<\/a>This means that most of the time, when you ask someone to explain their feelings, the explanation is wrong<\/strong>! Or at best, incomplete.<\/p>\nWhat does this have to do with advice?<\/h3>\n
<\/a>I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard a client start a sentence like this: “My wife thinks I should … because … ”<\/p>\nWhat you do about it<\/h3>\n
<\/a>Ignore what people say they\u00a0think <\/strong>about your presentation skills, and pay attention to reactions<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n
Explanations that actually help<\/h3>\n