{"id":715,"date":"2016-09-05T12:00:12","date_gmt":"2016-09-05T19:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelspeaks.com\/blog\/?p=715"},"modified":"2023-06-13T21:37:11","modified_gmt":"2023-06-13T21:37:11","slug":"the-compliment-bomb","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michaelspeaks.com\/blog\/the-compliment-bomb\/","title":{"rendered":"The Compliment Bomb"},"content":{"rendered":"

Everybody knows that compliments help you influence others, but unfortunately, most people are doing it wrong.<\/p>\n

Nearly every self help book and psychology primer gushes over how much flattery can increase your likability, and likability in turn increases your persuasive influence.<\/p>\n

Years ago, I did an activity in the classroom that encouraged those in attendance to anonymously compliment others. People liked it so much that I created a web app to help people do the same thing over the internet.<\/p>\n

After reading many public compliments that people posted using my tool, I came to a disheartening realization: most people are really bad at compliments.\u00a0I immediately set out researching the secrets to effective compliments.<\/p>\n

Why Compliments?<\/h3>\n

\"Robert_B_Cialdini_-_Influence_-_The_Psychology_of_Persuasion\"<\/a>In Dr. Robert Cialdini’s groundbreaking book “Influence,” he identifies likability as one of his\u00a06 powerful influencers. In fact, according to the research he cites, complimenting others can give you more influence–even if it’s not true–and even if the recipient knows it’s not true.<\/p>\n

If you’re the self improvement type, you’re probably also familiar with the name Dale Carnegie. In the early twentieth century, Carnegie essentially started the entire public speaking training industry. If I’m being honest, very few trainers since have improved on his advice.<\/p>\n

\"carnegie\"<\/a>Carnegie is best knows for his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” His book is still in print and has sold over 30 million copies.\u00a0If you haven’t read it, I can summarize it in one sentence: compliment people. His insights have been the basis for\u00a0pretty much the entire self help industry over the last\u00a080 years.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, you might be doing it wrong!<\/p>\n

I thought this was a public speaking blog<\/h3>\n

\"lecturn\"<\/a>Yes, this is a presentation skills and public speaking blog, or more accurately a communication skills blog. My passion is public speaking and group communication, but the same principles apply.<\/p>\n

Whether one-on-one or to a large group, the principle of building the listener’s self worth increases your likability and influence.\u00a0You just apply the principle differently in a group presentation setting.<\/p>\n

In my SpeechDeck public speaking skills system<\/a> I call this principle “Empower the Individual.”<\/p>\n

When public speaking to an audience of 200 you can’t compliment every individual one at a time. You don’t have to. Compliment one individual, and it influences the whole audience.<\/p>\n

\"Bill_Bixby_The_Magician_1973\"<\/a>
Bill Bixby: NBC’s The Magician<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

You know how\u00a0a magician will invite a member of the audience on stage to verify his equipment. The magician knows that\u00a0every other member of the audience trusts their in-group peers more than they trust the illusionist.<\/p>\n

When an INDIVIDUAL from the audience group verifies the equipment on stage, every other member of the audience group increases their trust vicariously through the one volunteer.<\/p>\n

Likewise, when a speaker compliments an INDIVIDUAL from the audience,\u00a0every other member of the audience group attributes more likability to the speaker vicariously\u00a0through the one compliment recipient.\u00a0Do it right and you automatically gain more influence over everyone in your audience.<\/p>\n

Compliments Done Right<\/h3>\n

Of course there are\u00a0two sides to every coin. Compliments can backfire. Studies have shown potential caveats in several situations:<\/p>\n