You know that uncomfortable feeling, when you know what everybody is thinking but nobody knows what to say? Should YOU say something?
When you’re the speaker and something uncomfortable happens or when you’re the giving a presentation and you have a concern, when do you say something? To broach or not to broach the subject?
The answer is ridiculously simple. Just ask yourself one question:
Is the “elephant in the room” or is the elephant “in your head?”
If the elephant is in your head, you SHOULD NOT say anything. If the elephant is in the room, you MUST say something!
An elephant has entered the ROOM
It was a typical workshop. I was standing at the front of the room with all eyes focused on me. Then suddenly, without warning, I involuntarily stopped mid-sentence. Let’s call it a spontaneous intestinal emergency. Enough said.
Pardon the example, but you and I both know that it happens to everybody. What’s proper presentation skills etiquette? Do you say something?
Without saying a word I ran out of the room as fast as I could to prevent said “emergency” from becoming a public embarrassment.
Let’s apply the rule: was the elephant “in the room” or was the elephant “in my head?”
The elephant was definitely “in the room,” because everybody saw it. Everybody saw me run away. I had to give an explanation when I returned.
“I apologize for leaving, I suddenly felt very sick and thought it best to leave for a few minutes. Now where were we …”
When the elephant is in the room you MUST say something. If I didn’t acknowledge the elephant, nobody would be able to listen to me. Instead of thinking about what I was saying they would have been trying to understand what just happened.
It’s not really about public speaking skills, it’s about respecting what’s on the mind of the listener.
How about a harder example?
I was in the room with a small committee who were preparing to present a “new plan” with new annual goals at a high-profile convention. Sorry if I’m a little vague, but I can’t name names. The presenters and audience included politicians and community leaders.
One of the participants told me that a news story was going to break the day before the convention that would reveal surprisingly bad numbers.
To broach, or not to broach? To address the news story, or not?
I asked the whole group, one simple question, “Are you just worried, or are most the listeners really going to be thinking about this news?”
In unison, everybody in the room spontaneously, and vocally confirmed that this would be a real concern on the minds of everyone. It was a REAL elephant, not an imaginary one.
“Then, you have to address it before you say anything else,” I said, “If you can’t resolve this concern up front, they won’t listen to anything else you say.”
In other words, when you spill something on yourself, when you trip and fall, when somebody in the audience says something outrageous loud enough for everybody to hear, if you have a body cast, you wear an eye patch, or if you weigh 400 pounds and you’re selling weight loss supplements–that is an elephant IN THE ROOM.
Not that there is anything necessarily wrong with any of those things–but you better say something! If you don’t say something, you might as well say nothing, because nobody is listening to you. They are thinking about the elephant.
An elephant has entered your HEAD
I was barely over thirty years old, and hired to teach workshops to senior citizens. Other than myself, the youngest person in the room was over 55. Much of the class was into their sixties or seventies.
To broach or not to broach?
As you can all see, I’m barely 30!
It turns out that was a really stupid thing to say!
When everybody isn’t already thinking about it–it’s not an elephant. My bringing it up does nothing but prime the listener’s mind with negative ideas. If they’re not already thinking something negative, don’t help them!
If I were leading a group discussion on “stories about our grandchildren,” then yes, I would say something, because a 30 year old sharing grandchildren stories is an elephant.
In this case, because I was teaching a workshop on “organizational policies,” my age was irrelevant, and nobody actually cared. They only cared whether I was a real expert on the subject matter, not if I was an young expert or an old expert.
There was no elephant in the room. The elephant was in my head.
Usually, the elephant is in your head. Of course, you should definitely ask yourself at every public speaking opportunity if there is a real elephant, but most of the time there’s not.
If you aren’t sure, it’s probably not a real elephant anywhere but in your head.
Your anxiety is not an elephant unless it’s so bad that everybody can’t NOT think about it. Your gender or race or religion is not an elephant unless you KNOW that most the listeners are really that shallow.
The listener doesn’t usually care what’s going on inside your head, they’re too busy fighting dragons in their own head.
Kill the elephant
To be a great public speaker or top tier presenter, you don’t have to kill elephants that are in your head. You only have to kill elephants that are in the listeners’ heads.
As long as an elephant is taking space in the listener’s brain, there is not room for anything else you plan to insert.
When there is a real elephant, you have to kill that thought. You must eradicate the distraction or concern out of the listener’s mind BEFORE you try to give any information or convince them of something new.
How do you do that?
I fall back on the 8 principles in my SpeechDeck presentation skills system. Each principle is targeted toward achieving a specific outcome.
- Understanding > Clarify the Content
- Interest > Inject Anticipation
- Rapport > Develop Relationships
- Respect > Reveal the Messenger
- Compliance > Encourage Participation
- Relevance > Empower the Individual
- Focus > Manage the Theater
- Impact > Engage the Subconscious
Whenever an elephant enters the room, I tick off the eight principles in my mind to determine which one will help.
If you own SpeechDeck you can pick a technique that matches the principle’s color, otherwise search this blog for a post tagged with the appropriate principle.
For example, if you really do weigh 400 pounds and are trying to sell weight loss products, the outcome from that list that will resolve that concern is “respect.” Use a technique to “Reveal the Messenger” that helps the listener know more about you and proves you are authentic and credible.
Unfortunately, the response to every elephant will be different, and all those possibilities are beyond the scope of this one post.
Just remember, if the elephant is “in the room”, you MUST say something. If the elephant is “in your head,” keep your mouth shut–or you’ll let the elephant out!