Money changes everything. You already know that. “NO money” changes everything even more. If you want to be persuasive, you want to be on the side of “NO money.”
The same techniques salespeople use can be applied to casual conversations, public speaking, or formal presentations.
You know that appliance salesman, or furniture salesman, or mattress salesman who has to call up the manager to ask for permission to negotiate the price?
I have news for you. When a salesman has to talk to someone else about pricing, it’s not because the salesman HAS to talk to someone else about pricing–it’s because you are being manipulated.
Think about it, could you actually be a competent salesperson without knowing how high or low you are allowed to negotiate the price?
NO!
Then why do they have to talk to the supervisor / manager / financing department / home office about it?
Because the salesperson wants to appear like an advocate on YOUR team. Somebody else needs to be the bad guy that tells you to pay more money. If somebody else is the bad guy, the salseperson looks like he’s on your side.
It reminds me of the clip at right from the Seinfeld TV show when Jerry mocks the car rental clerk who has to talk to the supervisor.
Now in defense of salespeople everywhere, lots of companies REQUIRE their salespeople to do this as part of the sales process. Many salespeople don’t even understand why they do it, and they are not directly trying to manipulate you themselves.
The Persuasion Power of Rapport
Companies do this because they have hired sales consultants that know the single biggest influencer is a customer’s own social identity.
Influence through social identity — that is a principle of communication that can be applied to presentation skills and public speaking as well as sales.
A listener’s social identity is made up of what types of groups they belong to (people they usually trust) and what types of groups they don’t belong to (people they more often distrust).
The most successful salespeople are those that belong to the same group as the customer.
I know you said you want a minivan, but I think minivans are for losers, wouldn’t you like a nice convertible instead?
So said no successful minivan salesman ever.
If the customer wants a minivan, the successful salesman is suddenly the “type of person” who wants a minivan too. If the customer is the “type of person” who wants an environmentally friendly appliance, then suddenly the salesman belongs to the customer’s favorite conservation club.
If the customer mentions anything about the covert, drug-induced, seance filled, alien abduction recorded, assassination planning, secret society meetings of the conspiratorial global cabal … the salesman suddenly wants to show you his tin foil hat.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some conspiracy theories I actually believe. It’s not about belief or non belief. My point is that a manipulative salesperson will join your in-group and agree with you, even is he’s lying.
The automatic rapport that is created by belonging to the same group is usually not overcome even by facts and logic. Why? because if you already know all the facts and logic about the product, you don’t need the salesman.
You only need a salesman when you are NOT already an expert. When you know you don’t know … you are much, much more likely to trust someone who is “like you” than someone who is not.
Hence, the successful salesman tries to appear “like you.”
Money Changes Everything
The problem is that no salesman who negotiates the price with you can appear “like you.” The minute the salesman starts talking about price, he is no longer on your team. The minute a salesman begins any negotiation over money, he frames himself as an adversary that wants something from you (someone who is “not like you”) and you break rapport.
Negotiations over money are always two-sided and competitive. Therefore, in order to increase sales, companies which have hired sales consultants intentionally introduce a third party to be the other team and can take the fall as the bad guy.
The salesperson can then appear like a “personal product consultant” instead of a “salesman”:
Hey, I’m on your side. I think it costs too much too, but the financing department says they won’t accept anything lower. Let me see if I can talk them down for you.
When the salesman has nothing to do with the money, you are more likely to make the purchase.
Sales consultants everywhere know this. If you want some easily readable examples, you’ll find many in Dan Ariely’s popular book “Predictably Irrational.” He does not directly address the concept of social identity theory I mentioned above, but does give examples of what he terms “market” versus “social” relationships.
Separate Yourself from Money
In other words if YOU want to be more persuasive with others, your presentation should include NO MONEY — at least no negotiation:
Have you ever seen a seminar trainer who seemingly doesn’t know the price of the product, but has to ask the person at the back of the room?- Have you noticed, that the most “trusted” classroom instructors don’t sell anything, but refer you so someone else to make the purchase?
- Have you noticed that sales companies are divided into “departments” with final pricing only determined after you commit?
- Why do salespeople call themselves “consultants” and “product specialists?”
- Have you seen a salesperson have to make a phone call or go in the back to “ask permission?”
- Has the sales clerk ever given you a coupon for their own product?
It’s not a coincidence!
Whether you are teaching a class, giving a sales presentation, doing company training, speaking to the company board, or any other type of public speaking or interpersonal communication, the single most persuasive thing you can do is advocate for your audience on the same social team.
My Personal Approach
In my SpeechDeck communication skills program this is the principle I call “Develop Relationships.” All relationships are built around similarity, and you need to identify and capitalize on that similarity if you want to be persuasive.
Just don’t be fake about it. I hate fakery! Fakery is the politician who stands up at the beginning of a stump speech as says:
Hi [insert local city name]. This city of [local city name] is one of my favorite places to visit. I remember one time when I stayed in [local city name] …
Gag! Gag! Gag!
If you are a good liar you can fake it, but don’t! Fakery is wrong!
That politician would be a much better public speaker if instead of falsely claiming an affinity with the city, he authentically identified the values and motivations (social identity) that he honestly shared with his audience.
All you have do is find REAL similarity. Authentic similarity works better than fakery anyway!
Once you find real similarity, you should actually try to HELP–for real. Actually do join their team–for real. Actually do choose to do what is in the others’ best interest instead of yours.
My business is pretty much a one man show. I can’t separate myself from money entirely. As such, it took me years to learn a most important lesson:
Give away your best for free
That’s how I separate myself from the money. I meet with prospective clients for free and give them real, honest public speaking and communication advice for free. I reveal techniques in my free consultations that would cost hundreds of dollars in my classes.
Money is an afterthought. It usually only comes up when they bring it up, and then I ask my clients to pay upfront, so that in our regular meeting we never have to discuss money at all.
That’s how I do it:
- Find REAL similarity with your audience
- Be a REAL advocate for them, not a salesperson.
- Deal with money through a 3rd party if possible, or otherwise in a completely separate interaction
Money changes everything.
NO money changes more.
In fact “NO money” can change a NO into a YES.